Top 10 Tips to Becoming a Horrible Human Being
Here are the rules to becoming a truly infamous personality without much effort while also saving time from fact-gathering. Whether you are a true expert in your field or you live in your mother's basement, these steps will help you be recognized for your thought-leadership.
- Speak Loudly - If you speak loud enough, those who may disagree will struggle to get a word in to the contrary. If they speak louder, you speak even louder. If there is no one to object, your thoughts will win the day. In today's society, there will most certainly be naysayers, so make sure they cannot be heard over your rambling.
- Speak Often - If you say it often enough, anything can be true. For the same reasons radio advertising is still an effective tool and Fox News exists, repeating your stance over and over again causes fatigue among anyone who may disagree with your stance.
- Ignore Facts - Anyone can hitch their wagon to an expert on a particular subject. If you want to be a true troll, you have to ignore any and all information that came before you. Facts only serve to muddle the argument, and they could potentially be used against you. If you ignore that these facts exist, it will be much easier to make up your own. After all, if you don't repeat facts, do they really exist? This is a rhetorical question. Of course they don't.
- Make it personal - The easiest way to divert attention away from an opposing point of view is to make the argument personal. If the audience doesn't respect your opponent, they'll never believe their "facts".
- Take the fight to the audience - If your opponent withdraws, attack the audience. While an opponent may have given up a fight they deem frivolous, the audience of the disagreement will come firing with fresh legs. Repeat steps 1-4 for each and every opponent. If you crush their will, you win.
- Never Show Weakness - Even if you see that you have actually caused mental anguish, never fall for these emotional displays. They want you to retreat and show the first sign of weakness. Once weakness is shown, facts may win the argument. You must never let this happen. This is the time to attack and break your opponent.
- Dismiss the Scientific Method - As long as the scientific method is always viewed as that one thing people learned about in grade school, it can never carry weight in an argument.
- Buy Velocity - The one thing more important than our values is our net-worth. People will say nearly anything for the right price, so make sure you set a budget to buy someone's pride. This may not be cheap depending on the person, but it will be worth it when their followers believe your argument being told from their lips.
- Relate to Your Followers - People don't care if you know what you're saying. You've said it loudly and often enough that they believe you. Now you just need to make sure they see you as someone like them. Start your arguments with stories of your family or kids. No one questions someone with a family. This does wonders for disguising your motive. Before you know it, your followers will begin to lead the argument in your absence.
- Disassociate Quickly - By disassociating quickly from the argument, time will protect you from future fact-based arguments. Let your followers convey your message moving forward. If you can prove more than one person can see things your way, it becomes more believable that it could be true. This also makes it so no one remembers who started the vicious lies. Without someone to blame, the fact-based community must only generalize a group of people for being dangerously incorrect.
Happy Trolling!
